Is it more important to be 'fair' or 'consistent' ?

I posted this question recently on my Facebook page:  "Is it more important to be 'fair' or 'consistent'?  I received several responses like the ones below:

•  "being consistent is fair"
•  "I think I would hope fair"
•  "how about being consistently fair?"

Some thought it was a trick question.  It was not, but I was curious. 

As a parent (you can substitute the word LEADER anywhere I put parent), one of the statements I sometimes hear is "That's not fair!"  Are there any parents out there who have NOT heard this?  If so, please let me know your secret.

In any event, I believe the answer to whether it is more important to be fair or consistent lies in BOUNDARIES.  What boundaries have you set up front?  Allow me to use one example that I use with my sons, Brendan and Joseph.  We have set boundaries for being ready for school, giving the kids freedom to wake up when they want.  They each have their own alarm clock, BUT we have set up boundaries.  They MUST be downstairs and prepared to go to school by 7:15.  Prepared means bed made, dirty clothes taken to laundry, teeth brushed and deodorant on, dressed, and school supplies packed.  If they are not down by 7:15, they lose TV privileges for the evening.  If they come down ready at 7:16, is it 'fair' that they are not allowed to watch TV that evening?  It might not seem fair, right?  "But, dad, I am only one minute late".  You can insert your own response here!  Then, as a parent (leader) you must follow through with the consequence, or the consistency goes away and it no longer IS fair.  This is an overly simple example that describes my response to the question.

If I set the boundaries up front, am consistent with disciplining to those boundaries - giving you the freedom to make it happen - then, I am doing my part as a parent/leader.  I think it is more important to be 'consistent' to ensure 'fair'ness.  AND, it really does remind me of another statement my mom would make to me - "Life's not fair."  So true. 

Have a great week.

So, do you have a story about fair or consistent you would like to share?  Please comment below.

Don't hold on TOO long

So, as I look at what the kids may want as a gift this year for Christmas, I am often amazed by technology and how it has changed how we learn.  I had been considering purchasing a guitar for my son.  Then, I saw this blog post by Tim Stevens with a new "iPhone app" to play the guitar.  Spend a couple minutes viewing this:



So, I can either buy him a new guitar and go through the pain of trying to force him to learn to play or finding a spot in the closet for another over-sized gift, OR I can purchase the app for his iTouch for $3.99.  Now, I know all of the comments:  It is more important for him to learn how to play the guitar rather than just hit buttons on a phone...right?

Sure, and it's more important for kids to learn cursive than type in Word....
and it's more important to learn how to divide using long division rather than using a calculator...
and it's more important to read a book from a hardcover rather than purchase an e-Reader and read on my smartphone...RIGHT????  Maybe. 

So, what does this have to do with Leadership and Relationships.  I will tell you.  It is our TIME!  You see, as I have said in previous posts, our time is something that we don't manage.  We only have so much time.  AND, how much of it do we waste on 'stuff' and 'relationships' and 'worrying' ...on holding on to things that we want to get better if we just give it a little more time?

Well, at some point we have to say that our time is much more valuable for things like family and taking care of ourselves rather than worrying if our hand writing is perfect and if our 'friends' will be angry if we don't come to the Tupperware party.  My challenge to you is this:

1) Make a list of the things most important to you
2) Compare that list with what is on your calendar(handwriting, guitar playing, Tupperware parties, figuratively speaking)
3) Where there is a match, leave it there
4) Where there is a dis-connect, make a choice - Either it needs to be on the list of #1, OR you need to Let it go...Not so easy. 

So, I think I may take up the electric guitar with all the time I am going to free up...

Have a great weekend, friends!

Are you "Peeing in your wetsuit?"

A friend of mine, Kim Chaney, once used an analogy in a meeting. He said "This is like peeing in a wetsuit. It feels kinda good when you do it, but you KNOW it's gonna chafe later on." I don't remember the exact situation we were in at the time, but I do know that I wouldn't soon forget it!

At the time, I believe he was referring to a situation where our group was doing something that may have been easier at the time(peeing in the wetsuit), but would not be better for us in the long run (chafing!).

In life, we are presented with these opportunities all the time where we have to make a choice as to the right action to take. It gets back to 'Discipline' - Doing WHAT you need to do...WHEN you need to do it...even though you DON'T want to at that time. You KNOW you should, in essence, take off your wetsuit!

I like to think there are ways to be more disciplined. Here are a few tips that I would suggest:

1) Write down your 'want' and look at it on a regular basis (hourly, daily, weekly). It is harder to avoid when you see it in writing.
2) Look for an accountability partner to help you. Ask a friend or mentor to periodically 'check-in' on you to see how you are doing with your 'want'. It is even more difficult (and embarrassing) to tell a friend or mentor that you have not been working on your disciplines!!
3) Pray about it. Ask God for strength.
4) Just do it! - You know you are going to feel better after you have completed the discipline. Why would you not want to feel better?

I am sure there are other ways.

Did you "Pee in your wetsuit today?" - What other ways are there that you have used to be more disciplined at what you 'want' so that you don't become "chafed" in the future?

Thanks, Kim, for the inspiration for this post. I had a a couple friends who nearly fell off their chairs laughing this week when I used the analogy in a meeting.